Lollipop
by RockOnAdam
Summary: Lambski - Adam Lambert and Sauli Koskinen - based on the lollipop story from Adam's recent interview in Rolling Stone magazine. Cute. Fluffy. DISCLAIMER - based on true events and a true relationship but NOT A TRUE STORY.


My mommy and daddy have been sending me to a place called kindergarten for a long time now. Practically a million weeks. I know I've growed a lot since I started: mommy had to get me a new pair of pants, maybe because there was so much paint on the old ones from fingerpainting, but mainly because they were too little for me. The new pants are a massive on me, but she says I'll grow into them so I guess I'll try to get used to them.

I have lots of friends at Kindergarten, mostly girls. I like talking to girls because I'm shy around boys, but girls I could talk to all day. I don't know why the other boys run away from them and say they have coodies, because they seem normal and they're real nice to me. But boys. I just can't be around other boys without feeling nervous. They seem to play with each other, while I play with the girls. Brush their hair. Play dress up. It's fun. Sometimes they even put make up on me. I think make up is the best thing ever. Make up and dress up. Better than building blocks and toy cars and all the stuff the boys like to play with. Because it makes it okay to play pretend, dress up. The best games are when we pretend we're on the big stage. I love that game. It's my favourite. Especially when it's my turn to sing and act. I know that's what I want to do when I grow up. Be a famous singer on the big stage.

But today is different. Today we have a new boy in our class. He cried when his mommy left him off. He doesn't look like he's from America. He got stood at the front by my teacher and she said, 'Class, this is Sauli. He will be joining us. Sauli, why don't you tell us about yourself?'

She said it very kindly, but the little boy shook his head shyly and made a whiney noise.

When he was standing there, I had just ran out of the dress up closet with an indian head-dress and war-paint on my face. I looked at him and felt sorry for the kid. He has bright blonde hair which was short at the sides but long and a bit curly at the top. He was pale with rosy cheeks and when he peeped at the class every so often, bright blue eyes sparkled, still dewy and shiny from crying. He reminded me of the little puppies in the windows of the pet store who want to be given a home.

Most of the day, I've been watching him from the corner of my eye while playing with the girls. He keeps looking over at us and pays no attention to the boys. Same as me. He's not looking at me so much as the girls. And when he does look at me, it seems he goes shyer, bowing his head when he meets eyes with me.

Later, I help the teacher clean up a fingerpaint mess. Afterwards, she gives me a special treat for helping her – a lollipop. I love lollipops. They're my favourite, after ice cream.

Still the new boy doesn't go near anyone.

I feel really bad for him. He's new and he doesn't know anyone. What harm could it do? I mean, I know I'm different looking to the other boys because I'm still in my indian costume, but I mean, I don't look scary or anything.

I walk over to him slowly, almost tripping over my too long pants and tasselled indian coat. The boy does not make eye contact with me, even when I'm up close. He doesn't look at me.

As I'd often heard adults do to get someone's attention, I clear my throat. He jumps and starts to sob as though he's frightened.

'Hello…I'm Adam,' I say, trying to remember everything mommy and daddy told me about being nice to someone new.

The blonde boy didn't reply. He just whimpered and sobbed and shivered all the more.

'I'm not gonna hurt you. I wanna be friends with you,' I say in a kind voice, 'do you want to play with me and my friends?'

The boy shook his head, and still didn't look up.

I didn't know what else to do. I wanted to make him stop crying because I felt like I was going to cry. I didn't mean to make him cry. But it was my fault he was crying.

I wanted to make it better.

So I put the lollipop the teacher had given me into his hand. Slowly, he looked up at me, and for the first time I properly saw his big, blue eyes. He still had tears on his face as he looked at me.

'Thank you…' was the first thing he said to me. He had an accent…not an American one.

'You're welcome. Dry your tears,' I smiled at him, wanting to make him smile back. He did and sniffled and wiped his tears on his sleeve.

'I'm Sauli,' he said. His voice was quiet and shy but his eyes glittered. His name was weird to me, weirder than his accent.

'Saaauli?' I asked, trying to pronounce it in my American accent.

'No…that is not how you say my name,' he sounded annoyed.

'Sorry...I'm sorry, I wasn't making fun of you. Let me try again…' I tried to wrap my tongue around the name, 'Sooowleee? Is that better? Soooowleee?'

Sauli smiled and nodded, 'That's right…thank you. Why are you dressed weird?'

'You've never played dress up? Oh my gosh, you have to come right now and play with me!' I say enthusiastically. I've forgotten he's shy, but suddenly he's not anymore. It's like a new boy. He wants to come and play with me and the girls.

Sauli is so much fun. He loves dress up and asks me to do his make-up like an indian too. I do his make-up the same as mine and get him a head-dress. I notice for the first time how small he is…smaller than me. All his clothes are too big for him. He's so full of life now that be quickly becomes my best friend and friends with all the girls.

_Sauli stays in our class for several weeks. He's amazing and I tell him everything. Everything my brother Neil and me do and everything my daddy tells me about music._

_Then one day, when our mommy's come to collect us, Sauli and I walk out side by side as usual. Our mommies are talking to one another, Sauli looks sad. I don't understand why._

_He then does something he never did at any other time. He gave me a hug. Hugs are okay for best friends, even if we are two boys._

'_See you tomorrow?' I ask, hugging him back slightly._

_When we break the hug, he doesn't answer me. But instead reaches into his pocket and takes out a lollipop and hands it to me. He give me one last hug and then out mommies take us on our separate ways._

_The next day, when I go to Kindergarten, Sauli isn't there…_

_He doesn't come back then next day either. Days turn into weeks. He just doesn't come back._

_Sometimes I cry at night. I didn't eat that lollipop. I don't want to. I don't want to ask my mommy where Sauli went to either. Maybe I will when I'm grown up. But right now all I can do is cry and miss the only boy who I ever met who was the same as me. The same as me._

_The boy I __**really**__ liked…_

**YEARS LATER**

Finland. 2010.

I went to Jenny Woo because I was feeling shady. I know I always promoted the fact that love could not be found in a dark shady bar...but…okay, so I was just looking for someone to f*ck me senseless. I wanted a drunken fling. Some closeness. Some hot, sticky, wild, crazy sex. Tour was making me exhausted and horny. The love I felt from my fans was amazing, but I missed personal closeness. Tommy's kisses and my tongue dives were only going so far to sustain me. I mean, how much hotness can a gay man get from one who's straight. It didn't go past kissing.

I was desperate to knock down some whiskey shots (I'd already done two Sambuca's) and then go on the prowl…but I got this amazing vibe all of a sudden. Like a chill up my spin. It wasn't random, nor was it a fluke. I'd seen such a glitter of blue from across the dance floor. Two sapphires blinking at me from afar.

Those eyes.

Why were they so familiar to me?

His eyes.

I kept glancing at him. Following him. This blonde guy. This beautiful blonde guy. This ethereal, androgynous beauty. With yellow blonde hair, rosy cheeks and these massive f*cking blue eyes, so big and beautiful and pure…so shiney…so…so…

_Sauli._

And suddenly, my stomach turned over. Could it be that little boy from Kindergarten? The one who'd been the same as me because he was shy around other boys…because he'd loved playing with dress up stuff and make up with me and the girls.

Because he was gay.

The one I'd given my lollipop to.

In a trance, I told the barman to buy this guy I thought I used to know a drink on me, gave the money, and ran as fast as the two Sambuca's would allow me to the nearest shop and bought a lollipop. Not caring how childish I felt and feeling happy no one recognised me, I ran back to the bar. Thank God he was still there, still on the dance floor, his friends all around him. Gawd, he was gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful. Absently I unwrapped the lollipop and put it in my mouth. Only when it combined with the Sambuca taste did I realise what I'd done. I swore loudly and…SHIT, he looked over at me! I duck my head and look away from him, but the drink I bought him's in his hand and I think he knows it was me…probably because I've been staring at him the whole f*cking night! He doesn't come over. He stays put and goes back to dancing with his friends.

I decide there's no point wasting time on getting another lollipop. Once again I'm in a trance as I get to my feet. I walk over to him. Each step I take I think I can feel the Sambuca again, only not as pleasant. I'm nervous. Why? I'm never nervous around guys I just want to screw once.

Maybe I don't want to screw him once. Maybe I loved him when I was five and just didn't know because children don't really understand what love is.

And now I'm right behind him. I tap him on the shoulder. He turns around and HIS EYES are looking into mine. He's looking up at me. He's still SMALLER than me. He's so beautiful. I can't speak. I've forgotten how. My chest is tightening, my hearts pounding at the speed of light. And all I can think to do is…

I take the lollipop from my mouth with shaking fingers and, as flirtatiously as my light head lets me, I put it to his lips. He looks into my eyes for several seconds questioningly and then takes it. In his teeth. Cheekily. Like a cute little cherub. And then he sucks it.

And, with his eyes shining, he whispers in the same tone as he did all those years ago, 'Thank you…'

With no doubt in my head now that he remembered me, all I said was, 'You have really pretty eyes…'

He smiled at me…

**And now…now we're smiling together. **


End file.
